The Bible is VERY CLEAR about forgiveness.
Matthew 6:14 and 15 says, "For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses."
So how do we know we're walking in unforgiveness? One of my favorite resources on the subject is "The Bait of Satan" by John Bevere.
Luke 17:1 says, "It is impossible that no offenses should come"
The Word tells us that offenses will come so we shouldn't feel like a failure or not "spiritual" if we are offended. Stuff is going to happen and we are going to get our feelings hurt - and almost always it's by people we are the closest to. The problem isn't that we get offended, it's in how we choose to deal with it. Hopefully we're quick to forgive and let go. A lot of the time we do... but for many of us, offense sticks around unnoticed. We walk around THINKING we've forgiven, but actually are still offended because of things that have happened. We feel justified to feel the way we do; we feel people who have hurt us owe us something; we feel that since we've endured this situation, we're entitled to an apology or an explanation... the list goes on and on.
Offense is like a worm on a hook we use to lure in a fish we're trying to catch. The devil will dangle that worm in front of us and before we know it we've taken a big bite of it and the hook has sunk in deep. Or like a salesman that gets his foot in the door and before you know it he's inside unpacking his bag of tricks and we don't know how to say "no" and end up buying the whole shebang when we've already got 10 of them in our closet!
The enemy is crafty and subtle. He hates you so much, he'll do whatever it takes to steal, kill, and destroy you and every part of your life (John 10:10). Sadly, a lot of us just let him. BUT, Praise the Lord, we are more than conquerors (Romans 8:37) and we do not have to be ignorant of the devil's plans (2 Corinthians 2:11). His way of doing things hasn't changed and we don't have to be lured by the bait he sets before us.
So... how do we forgive? Forgiveness is a decision you make to let go of a debt someone owes you. So when you forgive you decide, "________ owes me nothing, I wipe the slate clean and I choose not to hold ______ against them." Sounds simple enough... you forgive the person and they owe you nothing.
How do we know we've forgiven if we still feel the hurt, emotion we had when we were hurt? That's what gets us a lot of the time. We decide to forgive someone but every time we think about the person the emotions just come flooding back like it just happened. That's where the confusion comes in. If you really forgave the person, then why do you still feel ______ (upset, angry, hurt, powerless, etc.)? Remember the enemy of your soul comes to steal, kill and destroy. He doesn't want you to be free of something that keeps you on the path to your destruction.
He'll sit on your shoulder and remind you about the wrong done to you, stir up your emotions and bring up the hurt all over again. That's where we have to take captive every thought (2 Corinthians 10:5) that doesn't line up with your decision. Think of those thoughts as the "fiery darts" Ephesians 6 talks about. We don't usually THINK and TALK at the same time so the way we take those thoughts captive is to SAY OUT LOUD what the Word says. You can say things like, " I love ______ and they owe me nothing in Jesus' Name", or "I forgave ______ and I bless them in the name of the Lord".
Holy Spirit empowers you to do what you need to do. At first, you may be saying things all the time, but as you continue in the Word you'll see you're thinking about things less and less. Before you know it the offense has no power over you!
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